ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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