just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
sex in a hospital.. check
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
