she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
