Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
