I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
