Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
