fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
