Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
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