she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if only i could text you this smell
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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