I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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