on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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