remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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