see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
