I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
