There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
