some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
