It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I forget how to act sober
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
