awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
