It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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