Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
