Non-Jews are for practice
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
