Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
two words...techno handjob
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
