you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
