fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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