wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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