Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Two words: blizzard sex
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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