Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
