i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
