that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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