My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize