Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
