Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
