Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
