just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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