You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
