areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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