i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They took my balls.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
