we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
