i jhust puked up my retainher.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
