Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
