I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
