3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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