Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize