real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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