we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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