You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
