I just saw a hot homeless man
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
