I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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