We won't sleep together?
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
