i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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