you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
