Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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