We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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