just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
