I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Randomize
