dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
this hospital has no fireball
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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