I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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