I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
