quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I would fuck him just for his dog
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
