it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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