Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
