sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
