carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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