HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
