Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize