in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
