I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
