Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
