So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
