I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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