I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
