The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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