i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize